“吃饭时，你是外卖小哥；钱时，你是atm；生气时，你踏马还能当泄压阀。”
“醒醒吧捧油！老鱉成不了真龙的，它只能在万年王八的进化路上一路油门踩到底罢了。”
“你连的自己的情绪都不愿珍惜，又凭什么认为对方会在乎你的喜怒哀乐！”
讲台上，楚何慷慨激昂地发表著自己的开幕演讲，但和他激动表情相反的是，他现在內心慌得一批。
在楚何看来，人类在语言艺术方面的本质无非两种：
一、和上级学的扯官腔说批话拷打下级展示权威。
二、好为人师不懂装懂长篇大论唾沫乱飞以显博学多才。
换言之无论是什么样的活动，重要嘉宾“发表演讲”永远是必不可少的环节。
不过观眾精神世界还没有饥渴到什么鸡汤都往里灌，平时做做样子捧个场得了，主打一个你讲你的我玩我的，毫无交互可言。
可现在，台下，无数热血澎湃的少年们站坐一排，隨著楚何音调的起伏尽情地挥舞起双臂，放声欢呼应和。
他们的眼中充斥著不加虚偽的尊敬与推崇，仔细观察还会发现有那么几个傢伙嘴里边喊著“忠诚”边拿出小本本做起笔记。
不对劲，十分甚至有九分的不对劲，啥时候自己这么有號召力了？真有这么多人愿意认真听自己瞎掰？
楚何现在生怕下面哪个上头的傢伙吼一声“希嗨”，给在场的各位全部干到局子里写保证书。
趁著喝水换气的休息时间，楚何瞪了眼在一旁跟著瞎凑合鼓掌的项原，过於严厉的目光让后者忍不住缩了缩脖子。
“死胖子你从哪找的这么多托？你知不知道非法聚集是要坐牢的？”
莫名其妙的指责角度，直接让项原的脑袋里冒出了个大大的问號：“啥玩意啊，楚哥，哪有那么閒给你找托？”
好吧，確实是这个道理，本来活动资金就很吃紧，项原这抠门的性格也不像是会倒贴找人噁心他的样子。
不贴钱另说。
“所以这群傢伙是怎么回事？”
“也许是对您英俊的面貌和慷慨的陈词心悦诚服？”
“说点大伙不知道的。”
有时候项原不得不佩服楚何的厚脸皮，只要你敢夸，他就敢接，主打一个百无禁忌。
嘆了口气，项原从口袋里掏出手机，打开某个视频在楚何面前晃了晃。
画面中，楚何正站在天台上衝著某位意欲轻生的男学生破口大骂，其情之哀其不幸，声之怒其不爭，凡此种种，似要从屏幕中满溢而出。
赫然就是他早上在阳台上见义勇为救人的画面。
“类似的视频在网上特別是大学聊天群里快要传疯了，现在整个松海大学都知道你这號人，我其他院的朋友都问我这是不是今年晚会的预演节目，宣传效果不可谓不足。”
“別的不说，节目效果比去年还要爆炸，毕竟他们只是钱，我们差点费命……”
看著眼前不断重复播放的视频片段，楚何一时间只觉得面部僵硬，口齿乾涩。
今天真是又够倒霉的，接踵而至的悲剧就像是追尾的车祸向他袭来，让他有些喘不过气。
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